It Is Finished

All that I can say is WOW!!!! I finished my book around 1:45 this morning. It was awesome. If you are in need of a good read, “Angels and Demons” is beyond the shadow of a doubt the book to read.
Sadly, it was who I thought it was, but I never expected the reasoning behind it. It had never occurred to me that there was ever the possibility of the revelation that you get. I will not ruin it for any of you that haven’t read this book.
Now it is time to get back to my normal life. I was hoping for my sign of enlightenment to hopefully come via an email or a comment left behind. Oh, well, it was not meant to be for this person. So, as I say, I will return to my normal life and deal with it. LOL Isn’t that what we are supposed to do anyway. Real life.
But if anyone who is enlightened does read this blog and my entries, please let me know. Even if it is by a puzzle to solve, I would be interested. Take care for now.

The Battle of Good vs. Evil (Pt. 2)

Wow, I wrote an entry not too long ago about the battle I was having with my ex as the ultimate battle of good vs. evil. Well, obviously, I was just joking there, but I started reading, “Angels and Demons.” What a book!!!! I haven’t finished it, but it has drawn me in.
To be honest, I wanted to read the “DaVinci Code” but I was told to read “Angels and Demons” first. I know going in that this is a fictional novel written with some historical facts intertwined in the story. Being a history buff, I have found it so fascinating and just intriguing. I am amazed at the detail that the author has gone into. I have also heard of the Illuminati and it’s evolution from what it began as into what it is rumored to be today.
Maybe I am just crazy but secret societies of that nature intrigue me. A few years back I rented the movie entitled, “Skulls” which was about this secret brotherhood where if you got in, you were made. Supposedly several presidents, congressman, senators, judges, etc. have this organization to thank.
The reason I mention this is because I have always wondered what it would be like to be in one of these factions. Don’t ask me why, but I am the type of person that if you gain my loyalty, I will do just about anything for you. So, in my imaginary world, I picture myself being in a secret brotherhood where all the wrongs that have occurred in my life are now being righted thanks to my brothers.
Okay, as you know, I am a bit of dreamer. I know my grandfather was a Mason, but he never spoke of it much. It is just a curiosity of mine. Anyway, it would be interesting to see if what these groups have the power that they are rumored to have.

Back To What We Are Here For

It dawned on me as I read some of the responses to my last couple of posts; I have kind of gone off of the subject or have I? True that I may be venting some things that are going on currently in my life, but maybe I am supposed to write these as a log of why I am here.
Okay, I know that is probably an off the wall way to reason why I am writing this stuff. Have you ever wondered if you were put on earth for a specific reason? Well, I am sure the answer is, “Duh, of course!!” Maybe I was put on this earth to be a thorn in someone’s side. You may ask yourselves why I am saying that, but have you ever had that nemesis in your life?
Truly, I know I was put here for more then that. I do believe I am a good teacher, a fair architectural designer, a good dad, and the list does go on. But let us be realistic here, there are some people that you just want to stick it to. Yes, that is a horrible statement, especially since I do believe in God.
Think about it, though, God must have one heck of a sense of humor. At times, He must look down at us and say what a bunch of idiots. What if he has decided in the big scheme of things that we are to be one of life’s challenges to someone? I really wonder about this because we do go through life with challenging people. Jesus was tempted by the devil, so even He had to go through rough times.
I hate to be anyone’s thorn, but I have a feeling that I have stepped on many toes on my way to where I am now. Who is your demon? Watch out for that person just around the corner.

The Jury Is Still Out

As for the battle of good vs. evil, okay, maybe that wasn’t quite the nicest title to use, but sometimes it feels that way. But the jury is still out on whether or not the battle was a win, lose or draw. Sadly, I truly do not believe there are any winners in this. As I have stated before, this is about the kids’ happiness.
Anyway, I was very civil on my delivery of the news. I started out by asking her if she was aware of Kenzie’s feelings, which she replied by saying she had no clue. Now, whether or not she was telling the truth at that point, I don’t know. She sure did have a good poker face on, though. So, I continued by filling her in on what Kenz has been asking me for the past 6 months and how it has become more regular, her pleas that is.
Well, I ended by offering a trial period of Kenz living with us until the end of the summer. I figure one of two things will happen at this point. One, Kenz will decide that the grass isn’t greener at my house or that she wants to stay. So, I will see what I am dealt by the end of the summer and go from there. As I stated, I would need to get her enrolled at the school near me and then get the uniforms, since her old school did not have them. But, I was very nice for a change, because usually I have to play defense. It was nice to be on the offensive for a change.
I ended by giving her time to talk it over with her husband and to think about it. I did ask her not to close her mind right off the bat because she would usually just tell me to go to hell and storm off. Who knows what will happen. She did admit, though, that she has been having trouble with them. Duh!!! After that phone call Monday, it was more then obvious.
So, for all of you following the saga and betting for or against me, all that I can ask is pray. Right now the only thing I can ask is,”Let Thy will be done.” The girls’ mom is very unpredictable so I never know what to expect. This is off the subject, but I truly believe she is bi-polar and I truly am wondering if Brit has gotten those traits as well. Anyway, I will close for now. Keep praying.

The Battle of Good and Evil

For those of you that have been waiting for the next installment of the on going saga of “The Battle of Good and Evil,” here it is. It has happened again but to more of an extreme. Both girls called me last night asking to move in with me. Ugh!!!!
Here is the scene, I called them at my usual time to see how they were doing, but all that I heard in the background was their mother screaming at the top of her lungs. Nothing was really said at this time other then the usual, “How was your day?” “How are you?” etc. So, I just figured it was just their mom venting or something because I could not make out what was being said.
Nine o’clock comes and I get my usual good night phone call. Makenzie says in her stern, but sad voice, “See dad, this is why I want to live with you.” Again, I could hear mom, David, and Brittany screaming at each other. I could also hear the two year old crying because I am sure she is scared or who knows. Anyway, when Brittany gets on the phone, she is like, “Dad, can I come live with you?” Now with Brittany, I know when she asks, she is in trouble for something, but still, she was crying and carrying on. So, I know it wasn’t a good scene.
Anyway, tonight, I am going to speak with their mother and enlighten her on what Kenzie has been asking me and make an offer. Obviously, she is having trouble with them together as well as when we have them. I know most courts would not want to split up siblings, but I know this is a good thing. I am going to give her the offer of allowing Makenzie to live with us for the rest of the summer and see how it goes. I will let her know that life at our house is going to be real, that she will have a bed time, chores, and that it isn’t going to be a fun park.
See, I know my ex and she will not want to lose the child support. Who would, when you are getting 1600 a month? She recently quit her job, so I am guessing she thinks she can because of my income going to her. They just put on a huge addition, bought a new truck and are putting in a pool, so I know that will be a sore subject so I won’t touch it.
I truly want to see if Kenz will be happy with us and then maybe make more of a move with the law. Because if this does work, then we are going to have to get her enrolled in school, the school uniforms and things for our house. I am being optimistic here, I know, but I don’t want to be caught with my pants down.
The thing of it is this, Brittany, as much as I love her; I know she is her mother’s daughter. It is even scary because they look so much alike and have the same exact birth marks. It is almost like she could be the female equivalent of Daemon. So, she meshes with her mother, as where Kenz is more like me. She has the same compassionate heart and beliefs that I have. Thus this is the problem. The two girls constantly argue and I know why, but don’t know how to fix it, because they are like their mom and I and we could not fix it either.
So, I hate the idea of leaving Brittany behind, but if I can at least save one child from that kind of mess, I would do it in a heart beat. Besides, I know Brittany would never last without her mom. They are too attached. Many of you would say I am putting one daughter over the other, but it isn’t the truth. I just know my kids.
Anyway, wish me luck and pray for the girls. Either way, I know this will be ugly and I just want the best for them as would any parent.

Paying For It Today

This stubborn Taurean is truly paying for all of the work from the past two days. My back is truly letting me know that I over did it. Ouch!!! So, it is telling me today that I am going to take it easy. I am on the couch trying to rest.
After two back surgeries, you would think that I would have the common sense not to over do it, but no!!!! Here is the thing; there is this little voice inside my head the just taunts me. It says that the pain is nothing, all in you head, and to keep going. So, anyway, my body tells me that I went way too far.
Why do I do it? I don’t know if it is the male ego or just the fact that I have always been one to push things to the brink. For those of you that don’t know it, my dad was in the military, so I guess I was brought up with that idea of duty and honor. Anyway, I have always had that work ethic in me and have always tried to do more then my best.
Don’t have pity on me, that is not what this entry is about, it is about the stubborn, male ego or what ever it is that drives me to doing stupid things. As usual, I will be okay in a day or two and be back to my “normal” self. Worst case would be a week, but I don’t think I pushed that far.
All that I ask is have fun. I will be thinking of you folks as I sit here and watch my Star Trek marathon. LOL I am already being made fun of, so trust me, I am used to it.

Worn Out

Now before you make fun of me or say poor you, let me explain. I am worn out thanks to finally getting around to several projects that I have been needing to do. The thing of it is that I am doing all of these things in 95 degree weather.
I started by replacing all of the struts on all three screen doors. They broke off during Charley and I just finally got around to getting them done. That wasn’t the part that was difficult. Actually, that was the easiest of all of my projects.
After I finished that, then I put new weather striping on the door. What was on the door was totally worn out. As a matter of fact, three of the strips were falling off, so that was a must do. I chose a weather stripping that had 5 seals, so hopefully that will help on the electric bill.
Finally, I had to caulk the bedroom window because the former occupant threw a remote through the window and broke it. I guess the idiot replaced the window with one too small. Well, needless to say, he never caulked the window, so the bedroom gets very warm. So, I am truly tired now.
I also put in a full days work as well, so bang, I am ready to drop. Now, I remember why I hate Florida. 95 degree weather is just not for me. Ugh!!!! Until next time.

Empty

Did you ever have one of those days, weeks, months, or year where you feel empty inside? I don’t know why, but the past two days I have felt empty for some reason. It isn’t anything I can pinpoint or even describe other then the feeling of emptiness.
Sadly, like most teens, I spent most of my teen years with this feeling. Then I knew what the reasons why I was empty. But, for where I am in my life, I should not have this feeling. I have been trying to cheer myself up by thinking of my kids, my jobs, and my life they way it is right now and truly, I have nothing to feel empty about.
Granted, the past couple of days I have had several bumps in the road due to what was supposed to be a joke and a long conversation with my only remaining grandmother. I called her last night and we spoke for a half hour. She is really lonely and really missing us since we moved down here. We used to be so close when I was growing up. They used to be over to our house every weekend.
But anyway, I just am feeling really bummed out and wish I knew why. The empty feeling isn’t something I like, but it is here. Anyway, I will deal with it as I always do. Take care and chin up to everyone.

It Is Here Again

Once again it is upon us and people seem to be somewhat in a daze about it. Hurricane season brings a new adventure for us every year. I grew up with Nor’easters and that kind of weather, but now, I am dealing with Tropical weather.
Everyone makes fun of me because I watch the storm’s path with great attention. The year that we were slammed with Charley, everyone was so complacent about it. “Oh, we haven’t been hit by a hurricane since 1969” is all I had heard up until then. Now that there are more and more people here it is a whole new ball game. No one expected a category 4 storm to nail us but it did.

For those of you that don’t know, the school district that I work for lost almost half of our schools that year. It is almost two years since Charley hit us and they are still demolishing buildings that Charley destroyed. It is sad that we were forgotten after New Orleans got nailed. Granted, we did not have the flooding, but we had all the other devastation.

So, as TS Alberto heads for our coast, I have been watching the storm path with great curiosity. I am not sure that I want to live through another hurricane. No electricity, no a/c when it is so humid that your sweat has sweat, no ice, very little supplies and chaos will be the order of the day. We volunteered at church to distribute ice and water which felt good to do even though we were sweating to death. My parents had looters try to get into their house but they changed their minds when my step-dad came out with his gun. The one cool thing out of it all was the police state afterward. LOL We were under a curfew at 9 o’clock.
After the storm left, it was then that all the mold and mildew showed up on everything. My allergies just about killed me. We still have this disgusting mold on our fence that I can not get off. I have bleached it, pressure cleaned it and more, but it just will not die.
The moral of the story, I will take a Nor’easter any day over a hurricane. Here is hoping that we don’t have one this year and if we do, I hope Florida is wiped off the map. LOL Take care until next time.

True Pain


Yes, another pathetic observation if you will from me. As I sit here, home alone in the dark, I gather my thoughts for this entry. I thought that I never knew true pain until today.
Oh, when my father died, that was extremely painful. When I blew out my back and workman’s comp. sat on their hands for almost a year before I was able to have the surgery, again, that was pain. Lastly, I thought when the divorce was final and my world crashed down around me, man, I thought nothing could be worse. But, today, my daughter with pure accuracy aimed her little arrow at my heart and direct hit.
At this point you are probably asking yourselves, “What could she have done that was so horrible?” Well, for those of you that don’t know, my oldest daughter is in therapy. She hasn’t taken this divorce well and now we find out she is exhibiting signs of being bi-polar. Oh, they have already labeled her as ADD, but now we are going for a new high.
Anyway, at our session, she decides to drop the bomb (see entry about bombshells) on me about her true feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I knew she loves her mom almost to the point of it being unnatural, but she let me know that I am a worthless piece of ****. She said that when she comes over for visitation that I don’t spend any time with her. I almost dropped on that one because usually give them my undivided attention when I have them. If that wasn’t bad enough, she tells me she does not feel welcome in my home. Ugh!!!! I wanted to just about crawl under some rug, because she has the psychiatrist believing this stuff.
To make a long story short, “Et Tu Brute?”, I feel like Julius Ceasar. She has blasted me before in there, but I usually countered enough that the therapist knew she was lying. But, the therapist has noticed a pattern that Brittany is afraid to talk when I am there, but when she is with her mom, she spills all the beans. What ever happened to daddy’s little girl? That is true pain.

Life in General

As I was driving home tonight after dropping the girls off at their mother’s, I started thinking about life in general. For the most part I am happy with where I am at. 6 years ago, though, I would have not had such a cheery out look. So, I have come a long way in a short time.
I have a new part-time job which I love. I am working for one of the best architectural firms in town. My first week on the job, I found out that I have been given the largest job they have had up until now. So, either they have a lot of faith in me or it is a do or die task. I know I can do it because this is my passion besides my teaching. This is an awesome place to work as well.
That was the good part of my thoughts, then it hits me as it always does, that I don’t have the kids with me. Sadly, I feel lost without them. Even though the oldest drives me up a wall sometimes, I still love them with every fiber of my being. They are amazing kids for what they have gone through. I could never imagine what they have gone through and what they are going through. Yes, I lost my father and I miss him!!! I couldn’t imagine losing my dad to some other guy. I lost my father to cancer.
Okay, I have done enough whining for one night. I guess I just hate how unfair life can be. But on the bright side, I enjoyed my evening with them. It was Kenzie’s birthday. So, it was fun, especially since she ate a whole lobster all by herself.

Philosophy


Now I have done it!!! After this morning’s blog, I have been thinking about things in general. I guess I am very philosophical about things because I enjoy thinking about what is, what was, what could be, etc. So, here comes one of my dim-witted philosophies, so proceed with caution.
My question is this for our venture into my twisted, demented mind, “Why and how do we choose to live the lives that we do?” Okay, I have my answer, but what about everyone else? I believe that my insanity began with my parents. But is it just a learned behavior or do we have a drive inside of us that makes us decide full speed ahead or let’s take it slow because there might be curves or bumps in the road?
From an early age, I knew what I wanted to do for my profession. Also, I had a drive inside me to do certain things that would lead me to my goals, but what made me fear trying something out of the norm. On that same note, my brother, who was from the same parents, chose to take that path fast and furious. So, how can we be so different if we came from the same household, same rules, and same beliefs?
It brings me back to, "Is it inside of us?” I believe that we make the choices as we move on in life. Yes, our parents, friends, family, etc. do mold us a bit, but we are the ones in the driver seat. So, if this is the truth, how can we change our behavior if we want to? Again, this is not an easy thing. After my divorce, I tried to be something I wasn’t. Yes, I tried the fast lane and just could not keep up with it or did not want to keep up. I went out, not sure what I was looking for, but did. Honestly, I was looking to make up for as my brother put it, lost “conquests.” But the thing of it is, I am not the type of person, no matter how hard I tried, that just notches the bed post. With me, it is all or nothing!!!! Part of me wanted to take that path, but once there, it just wasn’t me.
Here we are I have wasted about 10 minutes of your time with my babbling. At this time, I have an assignment for you, how do you respond to this philosophy and why?

Bombshells


Today, I was hit by a bombshell from a dear friend of mine. As with many bombshells in life, I never saw it coming. Why is it that when we least expect it, boom, there it is? Some days, I wonder if we are amusing to Someone. Does He just sit back and say; today it is going to be your turn for mass pandemonium? Actually, I believe it to be this way; these are tests to see if we are worthy.
Okay, maybe today I am getting into Theology, but I don’t believe we were put on this earth to be play things for Someone to push around. Yes, I do believe there is a plan for all of us and along the way there will be mountains and molehills to deal with and yes, even huge bombshells. But, these things are usually brought on by ourselves, not always, but usually we are a key participant.
I know in my case, the divorce was no big surprise, but what was is the fact that she was seeing someone. The warning signs were there; my friends told me they saw her, and the fact that she didn’t get home until 3 or 4 in the morning after the bars closed at 2 should have been red flags. Sadly, I chose to ignore them. Maybe I did give up a bit easier then I should have but I guess I was shell shocked since I am using that metaphor. No, I am not using that as an excuse, but I had been hit by so many bombs from her, I just grew cold inside. The wounds were deep and hemorrhaging at an alarming rate.
So, why are we put through these things? You know, my dad’s death at a young age was the first major hit I took. I withstood it pretty well under the circumstances. Secondly, the move to Florida was another major explosion. I didn’t do so well with that one because I moved back to New York for a bit. My brother’s drinking and my mother’s pleas brought me back to Florida, again, a major blow. Then things grew quiet for a while. It was nice. Brittany came along and it was a nice bombshell. The next big one was when I blew out my back. Yes, that is a bombshell that I am still wounded from until this day. It is one that will never heal. Then, Kenz being premature and almost dieing really hurt, but she is well for the most part. So, the divorce was the next major injury. Other then the minor ones, life has been good to me so far.
Now that I have bored you with a useless but curious blog entry, I will close with this; Hang in There!!!! As a friend of mine keeps telling me,”…better days are coming!” Also, I have a pair of good listening ears and a broad shoulder to help with any burdens, also, I may have a flack jacket you can borrow.

I have come to the conclusion that I must have ticked someone off in a really High Place. You may ask yourself, “Why does he say this?” Well, the answer is that I have three daughters, now. Okay, that in itself is challenging enough, but the reason I say this is I spent the whole weekend in dance recitals.
Okay, before you laugh your heads off, let me just say that I grew up around boys. We played, football, baseball, basketball, and any other sport that boys could possibly do. Now, I am faced with dance recitals. I have no idea what creates these things. To put this in perspective, you must sit for at least 4 hours and watch any and all girls of your community dance. I have figured out this much, there is ballet, hip-hop, modern, jazz, etc.
If this isn’t enough to make any man’s toes curl, my daughters for the last 5 years have asked me to do the daddy-daughter dance. As a, hopefully, good dad, I always say yes. But, here is the thing, I have noticed as my girls get older the dances we do are harder. LOL Anyway, the girls and I nailed it this weekend. We danced to, “Move It, Move It.” It was fun!!!! Now, I would never admit that to my male friends, but I did enjoy it.
So, for all of you fathers out there, for your daughters, do the daddy-daughter dance. It is a special time that you can have with them that mom can’t intrude upon. LOL Enjoy!!!!

Just got back from the lawyer’s office, so, I am a bit torn. On one hand she did give me some positive things but yet on the other hand, she gave me some negatives to deal with.
First of all, let us get the negatives out of the way. She said, after listening to me for an hour or so, that it would be an uphill battle, but it is possible. She asked if Cindy would fight and I responded with yes with every fiber of her being. She will not give up the child support for any reason, especially since she quit her job. That is the other negative, now that she is home, supposedly that gives her the chance to be a better mother. Sorry, but all the tea in China would not help her to be a better mother. There is another option, which I didn’t like the sound of, but she could have the court petition that a Custody Specialist come to both homes and observe for a week to see where Kenz would best be able to live.
Now, the positives, there is a chance that I could win. There are some grounds of neglect. Especially with the UTI and now the Thrush, since Cindy isn’t getting her to the doctor’s my chances are extremely good. Also, if Kenz can go to the court psychologist, we might be able to establish grounds of neglect, mental abuse, and mental cruelty.
So, who knows what will happen. I am not sure how I am going to handle this one. I am open for suggestions because I want what is best for Kenz. I know that we can provide a very good home for her and all the love she needs, but is that what is best? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!