Okay, I Get It!!!

Okay, I get it!!!!! We, the male of the species, are not and never will be allowed to know or figure out women. Not only did a dear friend of mine remind me of this, but the other soccer coach and I were talking about this and he told me don’t even bother.

Coach had a the right idea on this because he said to me, “Bruce, I have lived on this earth for 50 some odd years and I don’t know women any better today then I did when I came into this world.” I said this isn’t fair because it will make life so much easier if we could understand you. He said, “Son, trust me, they are too messed up in the head to understand.” Now this is coming from an ex-Marine. So, I take it with a grain of salt.

So why do you have to keep it a secret from us? Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if you would explain to us what is going on? Men are so simple. Actually, a friend of mine sent me the explanation for it all. It is as follows:

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = No
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want...
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1 I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay


So, I guess this is why we don’t understand each other at times. LOL Anyway, if we could ever decode your secrets, boy would the world be a simpler place.