Okay, let me throw this out to you. Hypothetically, if you could go back in time and change anything, would you and what would it be? Yes, I am a sci-fi geek if you will and this question posses several intriguing concepts for me. I will admit to you that yes, I have pondered this idea on more then one occasion.
As for me, yes, I would do it!!! The only thing I worry about though is losing Brittany and Makenzie, although, if I have changed my history, would I remember them at all. There are a few things now that I am older that I wish I had the guts to have done when I was younger and certainly if I had I might not be where I am now.
Granted, I am in a far better place now then I was just 6 years ago. So, who knows? The one thing I would change for sure is I think I would have acted upon some of the things that I was too scared to do. I grew up with a very structured, almost to the point of being anal, life. Not that it is a bad thing to have structure in one’s life, but not to the point I had it. I lacked any ability of being spontaneous or was afraid to even have fun. I feared that if I did it would be a sign of weakness. I guess that was part of my family’s ways of doing things.
There is another area that I would like to change, but again it brings a fear to this day of what would have been or maybe could have been. There are things in life that you don’t want to ever lose and I choose one path so that I may never lose it. I will admit it brought much pain and anguish over the years for a long time!!! But, as Captain Kirk says in Star Trek V, “…I need my pain. It is what makes us who we are.” But that being said, I still wonder. Is this a bad thing? I have written stories about it and even had one published in college. My professor was so taken aback by it. Her comment was, “…someone so young as you to have so much hidden passion and pain, it is amazing.”
The sad thing is that I still think about it and why I never had the guts to do anything about it. Again, I had many chances and even had doors that I could have stuck my foot in to at least get that far. So, why do we choose not to go after things? It is amazing to me because I live with the pain of never trying but am happy in a way that I never did, but what if I had? There could be a different pain of a different failure. Hmmm.
Okay, I have gone on and on about this, so I will quit. But, I would be interested in any comments of if you would, would you and what would you change? Thanks.
As for me, yes, I would do it!!! The only thing I worry about though is losing Brittany and Makenzie, although, if I have changed my history, would I remember them at all. There are a few things now that I am older that I wish I had the guts to have done when I was younger and certainly if I had I might not be where I am now.
Granted, I am in a far better place now then I was just 6 years ago. So, who knows? The one thing I would change for sure is I think I would have acted upon some of the things that I was too scared to do. I grew up with a very structured, almost to the point of being anal, life. Not that it is a bad thing to have structure in one’s life, but not to the point I had it. I lacked any ability of being spontaneous or was afraid to even have fun. I feared that if I did it would be a sign of weakness. I guess that was part of my family’s ways of doing things.
There is another area that I would like to change, but again it brings a fear to this day of what would have been or maybe could have been. There are things in life that you don’t want to ever lose and I choose one path so that I may never lose it. I will admit it brought much pain and anguish over the years for a long time!!! But, as Captain Kirk says in Star Trek V, “…I need my pain. It is what makes us who we are.” But that being said, I still wonder. Is this a bad thing? I have written stories about it and even had one published in college. My professor was so taken aback by it. Her comment was, “…someone so young as you to have so much hidden passion and pain, it is amazing.”
The sad thing is that I still think about it and why I never had the guts to do anything about it. Again, I had many chances and even had doors that I could have stuck my foot in to at least get that far. So, why do we choose not to go after things? It is amazing to me because I live with the pain of never trying but am happy in a way that I never did, but what if I had? There could be a different pain of a different failure. Hmmm.
Okay, I have gone on and on about this, so I will quit. But, I would be interested in any comments of if you would, would you and what would you change? Thanks.
posted by Brewster at 8:04 AM
1 Comments:
i would never change anything about the past.... everything i have done and gone through...good bad and ugly...is what made me who i am right now. live for the moment..not the past or the future...right here and now is all that counts! and i am glad to read that you are more spontaneous (sp?) keep it up, you don't have to anyone but who you are.
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